Donning his Dressing Gown of Doom, Mr. Mhor today pontificated about his plans in relation to preparing for lockdown. Essentially, he thought everything would be fine as long as the Mustress made arrangements to obtain the following:
Beer, tobacco, barbed wire, a hammock and a wooden bench.
I had a feeling that he shared this list with me because he is so technologically challenged that he does not even know how to turn on the laptop. It would therefore fall to his very excellent wife to obtain sufficient supplies.
I queried the inclusion of barbed wire on the list. Mr. Mhor alleged that his intention was to put it on the top of our garden wall, so that marauders would not be able to access the garden, and by implication, his supply of beer and tobacco.
Obviously the hammock and wooden bench were to provide a comfortable little corner for himself in the garden.
The beer was regarded by Mr. Mhor as an unequivocally essential item, and although I did not entirely agree, I said nothing, since I would only have to tell him that there had been an administrative error in the ordering system if it failed to arrive. He would never know, after all.
I could even tell him that it had got lost in the post. Or that the country had run out of beer. It would come to the same thing in the end.
I confess that I knew it would be futile if I tried to make objections to the tobacco. Mr. Mhor has smoked for over forty years and says it keeps him young.
So – to recap – the Mustress Mhor has to get busy online and obtain everything except for the beer.
It occurred to me that I could always put in a devious, bulk order for sherry while I was about it.
Now that really would be a useful addition to my stock cupboard.